Stay Peaceful with Money

young monk sitting in river pouring water

Staying peaceful with the flow of money takes focus on what is most important to you about money. Money is like water, it is always changing. We sit in the river, pouring it where we hope it will go. Sometimes it does! Image: sasint, on pixabay.

Staying Peaceful with Money is Challenging

Money is challenging. The idea you can stay peaceful with money may sound impossible, even contradictory. Money changes. Its nature is to change. The value of even a dollar changes! The amount you earn may change and for sure what it will buy changes, because what things cost changes.

But staying peaceful with money doesn’t mean expecting money not to change. It means you don’t change with respect to money.

When you are peaceful, you don’t over-value or under-value money. You have a relationship to money that is fundamentally healthy, and this healthy relationship is what stabilizes money in your life.

Your stable relationship with money is what keeps you peaceful with money.

Cultivate a Healthier Relationship to Money

The very first step in cultivating a healthier relationship–as with any relationship–is to examine the relationship you have now.¬†Begin now, don’t worry about the past, simply observe. You can even keep a money journal exploring your feelings about your spending alongside what is traditionally called a “money journal,” which is a spending record.

To Feel Peaceful, Seek What is Ethical

One of the simplest ways to feel peaceful with money is to ensure you feel ethical. Our relationship to money should both feel and be ethical. If it’s not both, we will feel nauseous or scared or guilty about money, not peaceful.

Here is how to tell if your relationship to money is ethical:

  • you feel good about how you earn money
  • you feel good about how you use (spend, invest, give away) money.

If you don’t feel good about both, it’s time to zero in on one and start making changes–small changes, slowly.*

Small Changes, Peaceful Results

What will start to happen is that your peacefulness with the ebb and flow of money-making and money-spending will increase. You will notice you are proactive about money. You are no longer concerned with what others think about money, especially your money, the money that flows through your hands. You have thought about it, prayed or meditated about it if that’s your way, and you are centered in yourself about it. You have considered and made good decisions about it, even if you haven’t completely achieved your decisions. You can explain to anyone who will listen what your decisions are, and where you are on your path to achieving them. And it is quite likely others will listen because so few will speak to them the way you do and inspire them the way you do.

Affordable Help is Available

If you would like help making peaceful money decisions and achieving them, contact us. Or keep reading this blog! Or both. ūüôā

*It is also possible that your relationship to money may already be perfectly ethical, but you feel it is unethical. This is something we can help with.

 

Deliberately Giving Money Away

https://www.flickr.com/photos/attawayjl/3330472560/

Canal. Image by and uploaded to Flikr by Jeff Attaway, accessed via Creative Commons Search.

Deliberately giving money away is highly endorsed by RAISING CLARITY.  You probably already know three reasons:

  1. It’s good for others to receive your money.
  2. Most religions tell you to do it.
  3. Money is bad so giving it away is the next best thing to not having any.

Right…there are some conflicting ideas on giving away money flying around out there in the culture.

Religions tell you to give away money for practical reasons of social harmony and because generosity is good. But unless you really study the teachings, you don’t really understand why generosity is good.

You might think it is because of #1, other people need your money. Maybe so. But they don’t need it as much as you need to give some away. I experienced this again recently when I had amassed over $100 in my tithing fund. I call it that, and indeed, I do give away 10% of my income, which is where the word “tithe” comes from (= “the tenth part”). ¬†I got such a thrill investing it in something that really matters to me, without being asked, without even really making a big noise about it.

I have posted on the magical aspect of tithing here, and the practical, how-to aspect here. ¬†It is really worth your time to try it out; just adopt a percentage or an amount¬†and go with it, with some regularity, over some period of time.¬†Experiment. Set it aside in any way that makes sense and then let it go. Channel it where you want it or simply leave some out in the street where you think someone will pick it up. Experiment. You can give away a lot or a little. See what feels good to you–and it should feel good. That’s the fun part–experiment til it feels good.

I reflected on my deliberately giving away money experiments and came up with my own three weird-wonderful reasons for doing it:

Deliberately giving money away
  1. keeps you one step ahead of deliberately being selfish.
  2. puts a hole in your budget you control. Most holes you don’t control. This is a hole you create.
  3. is one of the two things money is for: us, and other people. I am honestly not sure there is a difference. I think¬†I am getting¬†to a place now where I¬†tithe for myself. And when I spend money on myself, it is the use others will make of it I think about. It’s all very selfish and feels very good. It sounds paradoxical but that’s just one of those conflicting ideas about money, flying around.

 

 

The Spiritual Things You Suspect About Money Are True

Everything You Know is True

In my humble estimation, whatever you believe about money comes true. And also what you suspect. What do you suspect about money?

That its flow in your life has something to do with how you flow with Life?

Yup.

That “what goes around, comes around”?

Yup. Have no doubt. (Even when¬†it doesn’t look like that to us at first.)

That “how you do anything is how you do everything,” so any problems with¬†money are reflected in your health, your relationships with other people, your work-world?

Yes.

That it’s spiritually meaningless¬†and has to do only with how hard you work or who you know?

That too. I prefer seeing it with a wide-angle lens because I get more information for myself and my clients that way. But you can relate to money strictly based on how hard you work or who you know.

That what you believe about money is self-fulfilling?

Exactly.

Believe or Suspect?

If you want to know the difference between what you believe and what you suspect, look at what is going on with money in your life that you didn’t expect. Pretend you created it. Now observe what is different from what you expected–whether it’s¬†more positive or less positive. That, I submit to you, is what you suspect.

Interesting, right? This is one reason I love moneycoaching. It helps us integrate beliefs and suspicions. You can take the money archetypes test here free to start learning yours. I would love to work with you further once you do. Let me know your questions regardless, and help me write a further post on this topic!

 

 

 

 

EVERYONE Has Positive Money Traits

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Happiness. Image by mahmud.rassel uploaded to Flikr, accessed via Creative Commons Search.

Moneycoaching with a new soul-colleague, we¬†gave¬†the archetypes test* which¬†measures how strong your healthy money “types” are–the

as well as measuring how¬†strong your unhealthy types are–the Innocent, Victim, Martyr, Tyrant and Fool.¬†

Soul-colleague¬†checked off¬†NO positive money¬†traits! Yet I could name some–convincingly, fortunately.

I think¬†what happened was that our soul-colleague’s Tyrant ¬†type was the one taking the test. That’s my best assessment of what’s going on when we think we have no positive money traits.

I felt very useful to our soul-colleague as a coach. And I wanted to share this insight with you:  EVERYONE has positive money traits.  Even in a life full of struggle around money you have developed amazing, helpful money traits.

Let me point some out to you from the archetypes test that may surprise you by being positive traits we can use to begin healing your relationship with money:

  • generous
  • trusting
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • non-attached
  • guided by faith
  • calculating
  • conscious
  • collaborative
  • disciplined
  • loyal
  • creative
  • visionary
  • authentic
  • compassionate

and let me add a few from my own experience (that aren’t on the archetypes test):

  • honest
  • curious
  • eager for healing.

Each of these will work as a starting point for healing.* I bet you identify with more than just one already. So please do go for it, heal your relationship with money on your own or with us* and please know yourself blessed.


*You can take the money archetypes test online free here. You can read about the types here.  For in-depth change, you can

  • buy a copy of Money Magic and do the exercises yourself, or
  • work with us, or
  • both. This more affordable approach is also the most powerful, we find:¬†moneycoaching +¬†work you do on your own.

Please know¬†that I’m¬†certified to coach with individuals and organizations by the founder of moneycoaching and the Moneycoaching Institute, Deborah L. Price.

Giving Til It Feels Good

Generosity I

Feeding street dogs. Image by and uploaded to Flikr by Amina Tagemouati, accessed via Creative Commons.

We talk a lot about emptying out in this blog–the importance of becoming empty before you ask and then receive. This is because if you don’t have what you want, something is in the way.¬† (It’s not that you can’t have what you want.)

My personal favorite way of emptying out is giving. One of my favorite things to give is money. I talk about this a lot in our workshops but I seldom talk about it here.

One reason I have neglected it¬†is that it has been too “easy” for me.

That doesn’t mean it is too easy for you.

So let me open up a new flow in this blog: Generosity.

One way to have more money flow into your life is to let some flow out. A few preliminary thoughts:

  1. Consider devoting as much time and energy to how your money goes out as to how it comes in.
  2. Consider spending and giving the same thing: investing. If you think investing is something only the 1% do, think again: every time you have a thought, you are investing.
  3. Invest in what is dear to you because watch this: what you invest in becomes dear to you.
  4. Consider an investment something that¬†benefits you quite directly as well as more distantly.¬†For example, many have given me money since the fire. I tithed it¬†all* except for the last $100, 100% of which went into having the public carpeting (stairs and hallway) in my new apartment building steamcleaned.¬†Kick out the walls you may have built up around what “counts” as giving.
  5. No amount is too small to count as generous.

Questions? Experiences with giving you want to share? Do it! And thank you.


*I mean I gave 10% of it away.

Expert Advice on Love and Money

Deborah L. Price

Deborah Price, my money coaching mentor, has written a beautiful new book, The Heart of Money: A Couple’s Guide to Creating True Financial Intimacy:

Money issues have long been the number one cause of relationship disharmony and divorce, yet when it comes to identifying and changing unhealthy money patterns and behaviors, many couples feel helpless. Money coach Deborah Price has taught thousands of people how to work together to resolve money conflicts and create a financially empowered future. In these pages, she presents strategies and tools for creating financial intimacy while learning to communicate about money issues calmly and reflectively, rather than reactively. With inspirational stories and practical techniques and exercises, this book will help you and your partner:

‚ÄĘ learn the language of financial intimacy and talk about money in a healthy and empowering way

‚ÄĘ recognize and change unhealthy money patterns

‚ÄĘ identify which of the eight money types apply to each of you and understand the impact they have on your life, your relationship, and your finances

‚ÄĘ build a mutual sense of financial security and confidence

‚ÄĘ work through setbacks and challenges to make your relationship stronger than ever before.

Deborah kindly agreed to a personal interview for RAISING CLARITY.

Note: If you already know you want The Heart of Money, or its precursor, Money Magic, you can enjoy a 25% discount on your purchase.¬† Click on the book’s title in the last sentence.¬† Add the book(s) to your shopping cart.¬† When the shopping cart screen comes up, type the word “heart” into the space for your discount code. (Do not use quotation marks around the word “heart.)¬† Your discounted price should immediately appear.¬† Also note that New World Library gives free shipping on orders over $35 after discount.

I started our by interview by confessing to Deborah that the way I explain the origins of money coaching is by describing Deborah’s work as a financial professional and her noticing that no matter how much rational information people received about money, they still did dumb stuff with it. Deborah replied affirmatively:

It was very clear to me that our clients’ financial decisions were being driven by their emotions and behaviors which nobody was actually addressing. The horse was before the cart: we needed to talk about the behaviors and the patterns before doing the financial planning and advising so that we had a better idea of what people’s individual money patterns were, and then be able to help and even more aptly predict future behaviors.

Knowing that the origins of money coaching, and of Deborah’s first book, Money Magic lay in her personal experience, I next wanted to explore the origins of her “financial intimacy” and her book itself, The Heart of Money: A Couple’s Guide to Creating True Financial Intimacy:

I’ve had many, many experiences with people and money, both personally and professionally, and I’ve noticed that while I’m very comfortable talking about it, most people are very reticent or even have outright aversion to it. Money is a very important area of our human experience. If we can’t begin to talk about it openly and honestly, and become aware of our personal relationship with it, we are limiting both our individual potential, as well as expansion of the human consciousness. I’ve always been drawn to the exploration of human consciousness. If we leave this area of money unexplored, it represents a significant limitation to all of our potential. Because we can’t pretend that we can evolve consciousness without opening this door. Money is always the proverbial elephant in the room. Until we address it, we will always struggle in this area of our lives. As for myself, I actually like going ‚Äúwhere no man or woman has gone before.” It’s just my nature.

¬†The exploration of human consciousness–that’s really where your work starts.

That’s the door that opens all other doors…the one that leads me everywhere.

 Has that been true your whole life?

Definitely. I was always the little girl who always asked “why‚ÄĚ and questioned everything. Now, instead of just asking why, I’m looking for the answers. I think human beings are very fascinating. We are the most fascinating creatures ever created. We have such enormous potentiality and yet many people barely scratch the surface of what is possible, which is truly tragic.

I’m interested in understanding why that is, and how we can help people expand beyond their perceived limitations. Because if we can help people to grow and expand individually, the whole world will benefit. Within each of us lies an answer to something that is bigger than we know. I truly believe there is no problem that exists on the planet today that if we continue to expand and evolve our consciousness, that we don’t have it within in us to solve. There are no unsolvable problems…we just haven’t grown up enough in our consciousness to discover the answers. Yet.

How do you expand your own consciousness?

I consider myself spiritually eclectic in that regard. I have my personal relationship with God and my guides and prayer. I have my own versions of meditation, but they’re certainly not traditional. I’m also very inspired by nature and its raw, primitive beauty. And then just being with, observing and experiencing human beings, and interacting in this big messy, beautiful world that we live in informs my consciousness everyday.

 Who are some of your inspirations?

Rumi, John Donoghue, David Whyte, Carl Jung, Angeles Arrien, Hazel Henderson, the Dalai Lama...all amazingly profound human beings.

 What has happened with The Heart of Money so far?

This book has actually come out of the gate with a much faster, more favorable response than my previous books, I think because the subject is so timely and so needed. I’ve been getting a lot of press, which is wonderful. It’s certainly hit a nerve.

I’m happy to be getting some international press and that’s a new thing for me. This is exciting to me since it will help more people to realize that there is help available. As you know, not many people are trained in the behavioral side of money and so unfortunately, a lot of people fall through the cracks just because they don’t know where to go for help.

Is it the more advanced book of the two you’ve published (Money Magic and Heart of Money)?

The individual work is included as part of the couples work. The Heart of Money was written in a way that readers can do both. It’s essential to look at the individuals in the couple. Once you understand yourself, we can begin to see how your patterns and behaviors either work in harmony in your relationship or cause conflict and disharmony. In most cases, a couple’s challenging money patterns and behaviors predate the relationship. Couples come into the relationship with them but don’t usually identify them because they avoid the subject of money. Also, we don’t have anyone to rub up against to identify them often until we mate and marry.

Will financial intimacy become an even bigger part of your work now?

Absolutely. The couples area is so vast and the cause of so much pain and suffering, divorce and destruction. I greatly want to be a part of helping to reduce that pain and suffering. I feel like I did when I first started doing the core money coaching work: a new door has opened and I’ve become hyper-focused on growth and development in this area. I find that when I get really intentional, I tend to have many breakthroughs myself in terms of the development of the work and what transpires as a result.

Give us an example?

One of the things I am really compelled by–it’s literally an obsession‚ÄĒis discovering the missing key to understanding and changing the collective money issues that have caused us to be very challenged since money arrived on the scene some 100,000 years ago. Thus far from my research and experience it is clear that we humans possess both some basic biological drivers as well as emotional and behavioral tendencies that cause us to malfunction and become emotionally reactive and irrational where money is concerned. This hasn’t served us as individuals and it certainly isn’t helping our love relationships either. We have a lot at stake here in the money game. So it’s definitely showing up in my work. I am creating new content all the time, both for our training programs as well as in working with our clients. I’m also conducting educational webinars to get more awareness and information out there to people in bite-sized pieces so they know there’s a lot more than meets the eye about this money stuff.

How are you going to approach doing this research?

Well, I’m not a scientist, I’m just a madwoman. I’m sort of like a hound-dog, I hunt, read and research ferociously and I process information very intuitively. I enjoy taking in disparate ideas and subjects that people might not think to combine and analyze, and coming up with my own theories and processes based upon many years of experience. One thing about us in the field of money coaching that’s truly unique is that we been working in the trenches with real people around money for over 25 years. That’s a lot of time and experience being with and observing real time behaviors. So while the sciences are great and have provided lots of data that has been useful, nothing replaces the experience of actually doing the work with people. At this point I’m really interested in the end result; taking all the insight, knowledge and experience and developing processes and strategies that help people understand and change their day-to-day experience and relationship with money. That is my life’s mission.

¬†To purchase The Heart of Money or its precursor, Money Magic, with a special 25% discount, click on the title, add it to your shopping cart, and when you are asked for your discount code on the shopping cart page, type in the word “heart” (without the quotation marks) and watch your discount appear.¬† If you’d like to read US News & World Report’s interview with Deborah, click here.¬† Thank you for reading!


Three Clues I Shouldn’t Do It “Even If You Paid Me”

True Story

Once upon a time, a  potential client asked us to work with them. Their project description was beyond complete, with several very impressive attachments.  The project? I got a massive headache.

First Clue I Shouldn’t Do It Even If You Paid Me: Body Talking

I never get headaches.¬† Headaches are therefore–for me–good information.¬† If your left foot never itches and you can’t stop scratching it, we’d say, “pay attention.”¬†¬† If we don’t listen when our bodies speak politely, they seem to get louder and louder, and that can just be totally unwelcome.¬† So we’ve learned to welcome the body talking.

I took some Perelandra’s ETS+ for Humans, a subtle remedy for all kinds of trauma to the human system which comes in vinegar as well as brandy.¬† And the headache went away, so I could focus on the potential client’s Application.

Second Clue I Shouldn’t Do It Even If You Paid Me: Projects Needs a Complete Overhaul

Immediately, the desire not to work on the project (without an overhaul) came back.

We’ve stopped asking for overhauls.¬† What our perceived need for an overhaul usually means is that we’re not the right partner for the work.¬† (Exception: a client asks us to partner with them on an overhaul, which is great.)

Here’s what I knew: 1. We might want to work with this person.¬† 2. We didn’t want to work on this project as designed.¬† 3. Our request for an overhaul would be unwelcome.

I trust what I feel.¬† I just don’t always trust others’ hearing what I feel.¬† I got scared. I asked for more information.

Third Clue I Shouldn’t Do It Even If You Paid Me: Would I Do It for the Squirrels?

“More information”–what a dodge! Old me cracks me up sometimes.

But stalling for time brought me new appreciation for my potential client, helped me clarify myself to myself, and most importantly, allowed time’s soothing waters to flow into the too-tight space between us and our potential client.

If I don’t feel it would be something I would do in the spirit of Saint Francis who said he would preach to the squirrels,¬† it’s not right for me.¬† The peaceful, ethical way I design projects allows a natural inflow of support into a structure prepared to receive it.¬† It makes raising money easy.¬† But if I take work that feels hard, and is going to be a struggle, I work against my own principles and my own energy and I make the project hard, to boot!

When is Enough to Give Away?

I was floored by this recent research finding about giving away money (philanthropy), published April 23, 2012 by Grey Matter Research Consulting:

Most non-donors feel ‚Äúpeople with a lot of money‚ÄĚ should give so they don‚Äôt have to, but also harbor a number of concerns about the efficiency and effectiveness of non-profit organizations.

Perhaps not “most”–but some people think they don’t have enough to give away!

We always have enough to give away.¬† Countless teaching and true stories tell us this.¬† The story of the “widow’s mite” is just one.¬† There are a lot of approaches to using money wisely for healing and a lot of approaches to having enough.

I love Roshi Joan’s confidence and approach I shared with you, her giving it all away.¬† I hope you enjoyed that video.

I have come close to giving it all away in my own life, many times.¬† Many times I have then received so much I didn’t know what to do with it!¬† And I have had to change myself from the inside out to understand that my clarity is to to learn to work with money as well as without it.¬† (In our society, working “without” money means doing great things with very little money!¬† Have you noticed that?¬† Almost no one actually has “no money.”¬† Do you notice this too?¬† How much do you work with?)

When we feel we have “not enough to give away,” as Grey Matter’s research says itself, it just means we feel what we have to offer is “not enough to count.”¬† This is discounting ourselves and what we bring to the table–Life’s table.

Next time you feel you don’t have enough (and notice this can feel like you are not enough yourself), try giving away some money.¬† Don’t give a lot–don’t scare yourself.¬† Just give an amount that feels right to you as an experiment. ¬† It’s ok if it’s not enough to “count” in your eyes, and in your mind–that’s what’s going to change with this experiment.¬† And if you raise money, check out my paper on what a famous fundraiser who works a lot with very wealthy donors has to teach us all about “enough.”

Try it and write to us about it.  We invite blog comments, and love blog subscriptions.  We also invite you to contact us about working together.